Women’s posiion
Maryam Jahan asked 18 years ago
I am disappointed by the lack of discussion on women’s issues.Have you noticed that our men are hard to change with time.We are basically a male dominated society where women are supposed to have no brains.All major decisions are made by men.
What is your experience?
I would like to defend men’s position in dealing with this issue. I accept that we come from a society dominated by men. But things are changing even in India. Women are asserting their equal postion.Women also need to understand our position.As women become ecnomically more indipendent their power will increase as it happened in west.
Maryam I beg to agree and disagree.I seem to recall that my grandmother who by all descriptions was the matriarch of the family ran the complete show in her house but her technique was of interest. She did not verbalise her intentions loudly but very subtly, What she said was the rule. (she was not economically independent she relied on her husbands earnings, which he gave to her every month.) My grandfather was a very strong minded man with a very volatile mercurial temperament but my grandmother was the decision maker. Ofcourse there are varying degrees of “power’ a womwn has had. But change is occurring. It is up to us how to ‘weild’that power. I would suggest ‘subtly’ unlike our sisters in the west. I do not want their kind of power. Womens issues encompases numerous issues ‘male dominance’is a non issue. The reason that perhaps there are not too many wemen discussants may be because they do not use the computer often or a lack of time, interest or complete apathy. Let me as a women ask you this question; what challenges have you faced while living in the west (I am assuming that you do) and how have you dealt with them? Looking forward to your response.
Thanks Safia for your comments. I submit that your grandmother was a exception.I know many cases supporting my contention. I am confident that women’s position will continue to improve with more education and economic indipendence.
I appreciate your response and we probably are in agreement on this issue. I noticed that you did not respond to my question. Looking forward to your response
Bringing up children in west has not been easy.Encuraging them to keep our values has been the most difficult.My children understand Urdu but respond mostly in english.Would love to know how others cope?
I agree with Safia and Maryam. Women can achieve a lot by using their guile but education resulting in economic indipendence is important.Ideally women and men should respect each other.
It is great that we now have a womens discussion group!Let me just say that even economic independance does not eliminate ‘male dominance.’
Social and cultural evolution is progressing much faster for wemen then men even in the western societies. Until men accept that women are not subordinates ‘so called equality’is never going to happen.We have a long way to go but we will get there. Hope and persistence is eternal.My daughters will reap the harvest. Looking forward to responses from Maryam and Nargis and other comments.
I agree with Safia that even economic indipendence may not be enough on its own to give women equal status. Women will have to continue to fight.Things are changing in the right direction.What do you think?
Maryam in response to your comment about raising children in the west, keeping ones language alive is a huge challenge. I remember my mother spending an inordinate amount of time teaching us URDU. Her language was very precious to her. Yes, as youngsters we also tended to respond in English but understood her well. Later growing up we began to talk in Urdu, the seeds had been sown by her.Returning often to the homeland is very helpfull.Those that can do that are very lucky One of my biggest challenges has been to teach ‘respect’ as we know it.I have been fairly successfull in this regard and I am often greeted with “Adab Mum”! That gives me so much pleasure.
I can relate to Safia’s nani’s role with my own mother.My parents had a very happy marriage.It looked as though they divived their roles. My father earned the money.My mother was the “Home Minister”.I am sure that they would have had discussions on major matters. Surley that is the key for a successful marriage.Communication and “give and take” was their way.
I can relate to Safia’comments about Urdu.My mother alo tried very hard. Unfortunately I did not make the best of the opportunity. I regret it now.Love to hear from others.
Enjoying this topic. Battle of the sexes have been going for centuries.I agree in eqaulity between sexes but we come from a male dominated society. Enlightend men are changing with time. With economic pressure more women are working
which gives them more leverage.
Interesting choice of words Ram ‘Battle of the sexes”!!! This has been the problem. We as women are not fighting with you we are only trying to let the men know that we are here to ‘play our role’ as the other half of that family unit-an equal half!
I agree with you Razia.
It is good to see that there is agreement between Razia and Ikram.
Ideally we should have balance between women and men. But there is no doubt that we come from a male dominated society. But I am heartened by changing attitude of our men.
I agree with Maryam almost completely. What a waste of half the intelligence of our society! But as Bhai Ikram pointed out, there may be many families in which decision makers comprise of both men and women. As as Ram pointed out, economics is perhaps contributing to change in the right direction. Personally, I think education is the fulcrum at which this issue rests. By education I do not mean simply acquiring university degrees, I am talking about the education one acquires by witnessing progress in more equitable societies.
Suhail
Woodbridge, NJ
During my recent visit to Amroha I was delighted to find that out of ten scholarship winners in 2008 of Dost Ali Fund in mohalla Katkoi seven were girls with marks over seventy percent. I am sure that Dada Aley Ahmad of mohalla katkoi must have been amused in his grave. He was accused by the religeous leaders of the time of being anti Islam by starting Aley Ahmad Girls School.They were urging the comunity to hang shoes around his neck.
Very heartened to know that girls in Amroha are doing well. We should do more to help our girls.
During my recent visit to Amroha I was most encouraged to see girls doing very well in education. I also noticed more confidence.
Congratulations to Zainab and her parents for her admission in Masters/PhD programme in the Harvard University.